Right now I am sitting at home, as I have just returned from going out. I can not even say I am sad, or whatever feeling comes close, but I can say that I am surely mad at some people that have been born into this world; and in my opinion don’t really make the world any better, but worse.
I am talking about a friend, a friend, who we from now on will just call P.
He goes to my class ever since 9th grade. To be honest, in 9th grade I actually did like him, he was fun, nice, but I have to admit he was mean to other people at that time too, but not so much as he is now.
Now, 2 years later and we are in 11th grade. He still has the girlfriend he has had for almost 2 years, let’s call her M.
She is perfectly okay, as long as she is alone.
Now to the story: P and M tend to talk badly about other people, inventing gossip about them and openly talking badly about someone when that person is around. While M is very much on her own now, since she doesn’t really have any girlfriends anymore but hangs around with P all the time, you could say that she might just do it because she is mad that we are all having friends; and because she is bored.
P however is quite well-known, he’s the sort of funny guy who just does shite all day long and if you’re not one of the people willing to be like him or talk bad about others too, have a different music or fashion taste, you’re out of it. You’re not in the P circle.
I can say, that I am definately not. Problem, a few of my friends simply can’t decide. They are torn between P and the rest. And it makes me sad; it actually hurts very much to see them like somebody just because they’re well-known for talking to strangers, being oh-so-hot (ummm nooooo!!!!!!! he actually said he thinks every girl in my class would love to have him and M should be watching him! What a boyfriend is that?? (more to come!)) and outdoing everyone who has a special skill by saying ‘That’s stupid.’ , ‘I don’t like it’……. blah blah blah just to make himself feel better.
Well… I listen to music most people would hate because it’s by some ‘junkie’ (I’m talking about the ‘Shambles which I adore to bits) and I definately dress the way I want to. You see, two years ago, I bought my first pair of skinny jeans when they were very ‘trendy’. I thought I could just buy them and wear them and that’s it. WOWWW my jeans are not bootcut!! What a crime!! Everyone was like ‘Oh wow, I want some of those too!!’ – but P was talking shite about me. So our relationship became worse and worse. But suddenly, his girlfriend was wearing them too. I’m not talking about the fact I was the first what-so-ever, but he just pisses me off!! If his girlfriend/friends/oh-so perfect world are not the way he wants it/them to be, he turns crazy and tries to form everyone/-thing the way he wishes it was.
For example, he once told his girlfriend she was fat. He was honest about that and told her to lose some kgs. She actually did, though she is not the ’stick’ that I am.
See, I am naturally skinny, I have always been skinnier than everyone else and actually, I even prefer to be skinnier than M!! Still, my looks make me feel insecure when people talk about them. I am skinny, I still like to wear skinny, tight jeans and am often referred to as ‘getting skinnier and skinnier and losing kg by kg’.
I am asking myself this question over and over again: WHY DO SOME PEOPLE NOT ACCEPT YOU THE WAY YOU ARE??
It’s me, myself, my body I live in, as long as they (P&M) leave me alone, I am perfectly happy, but when they say something they make me feel like a very low person. I try not to listen to them or just tell them ‘Why do you say that? It’s my body. It’s not fucking yours.’
See, it’s not like I am the only person who gets judged. Almost everyone does, but he liked to nag me, maybe he isn’t always serious about it all, but BLOODY HELL, it’s not his shite. He should deal with himself, grow up and stop laughing when someone says ‘penis’, ‘mumu’ (=vagina), ‘Adi’ (refers to Hitler) or anything else that is so-no-to-be-laughed-at.
HECK that guy is 17!! He’s a lot older than most guys of my class, however he pretends to be some sort of primitive human species. Happily, a few people have now stopped laughing about his comments; still I am very very VERY mad at P.
I just can’t believe how you could ever hurt someone else just to make yourself feel better, even though he is the one who copies everything and everyone, and therefore does the same ’strange’ habits, wears the same ‘fugly’ clothes and what-so-ever. As soon as he has it, it’s very COOL!
Gosh, I bought a leather jacket because I’m into the indie/60’s style and first he said ‘You bought a LEATHER JACKET??????!!! Ummm…. ew…….!!! By the way your jacket’s got a mumu at the back (a fold so you can stretch your arms, but whatever)!!!!! HAAAHAAA’.
Two weeks later, he got one himself. The same with a few ten more things from other people, but I am honestly too tired to write them down. I really really just hope (even if it’s mean, but they are far more mean to anyone I’ve ever met, they’ve said really really irritating stuff, about people’s noses, scars, etc) they will break up; and I hope they can return to being the way they were two years ago. Both were liked but nonoe of them tried to stand out from the crowd. Even though I believe especially M will lose everything. She’s got no remaining friends. P? Well, P is P. He’ll get through it just the way he does now.
P: ‘Woaaah that chick’s hot!! I really think she’s hot!!! If I wasn’t with you, then…’
M: ‘P!!!! HELLO??!!’
That happens around 4x a day. Well, it’s their life, as I said. I’m not going to tell him saying that to M. So he should as well stop making rude, pathtic remarks about other people’s life.
I just want them to leave us normal people alone. I might sound bitter, and maybe I am. But in all these words, there is at least a splash of truth.
Good Night.
x
